I had been wondering why I stopped blogging for a little while and after reading a few entries that I made but never posted, I think I understand why!! Sleep had me incredibly frustrated. I wish I could say that we miraculously worked things out and that he now sleeps through the night in his crib, but I can't. However, I can say that bedtime and naptime are no longer fraught with such angst and frustration.
Finn sleeps in our bed now full time for both naps and at night and our routine is simple and relaxing for both of us generally. There are downsides of course, but I think I have made my peace with our situation for the present and have finally surrendered to being the mother that I am of the child that I have.
I know that last statement makes it sound like I am somehow disappointed with myself and my son and am just settling for the best I can get, but nothing could be further from the truth. I know that I am a good mom, however, if you had asked me while I was pregnant what kind of parent I wanted to be the answer would have been totally different from the parent I became once I was a mother. But for my first 4 months of being a mom, I clung to that old picture of motherhood and fought my natural instincts. But once I let go and surrendered myself to my son and to my new role as mother, things got better on their own. Sleeping with my baby became the most natural thing in the world, my fear that I would somehow smother him in my sleep became almost laughable, and my body stopped aching even though I still didn't experience much freedom of movement during the night.
And as for Finn, even though I knew that he was one of the best babies I had ever seen, I put too much stock in what my books said my baby should be like because they were written by doctors and I wore myself out trying to conform Finn to that picture. I foolishly believed these authors when they said I should put my baby down sleepy but awake and that he should fall asleep without complaint and that he should sleep through the night by the age of 4 months and that the most dangerous place for my baby to sleep is next to me in my bed. Now I wonder if any of these doctors are even actually parents. Or perhaps they can afford 24/7 childcare and don't really know what's going on in their own nurseries. Or they may possibly be in the pocket of crib manufacturers. Either way, I did myself a disservice by heeding such advice and believing that my son's desire to sleep close to his parents was a reflection of some failing of mine as a mother.
Now to recap Finn's developmental milestones over the past few months. He rolled over from tummy to back for the first time in early December while Daphne Buren was visiting. I joked that he just needed a pretty lady to show off for. By Christmas he was starting to get his elbows and knees under him and was able to sit up by propping himself up on his hands.
In mid-January, I developed Mastitis. I had thought that was something that breastfeeding newbies got, not an old pro like me, but sadly I was mistaken. It was a rough 10 days. Mastitis is every bit as painful a condition as people say it is and the fact that you feel all-over lousy, doesn't help matters. My mom came out to help me get back on my feet. We discovered then that Finn wasn't too sure about strangers all of the sudden. He would cry loudly with big, fat tears every time my mom tried to hold him and it took 2 days for him to get used to her. Hopefully he gets over this quickly, since his other grandma is coming out to visit in April, but she is only staying 3 days and it won't do to have him screaming and crying every time she tries to hold him!
At the end of January we started Finn on solid foods. I'll try to post more on this later, but suffice it to say, he is not the biggest fan of solids and his little digestive system really dislikes them too. We had to stop for a few weeks to get his gut back on track.
He had his 6 month well-baby check at the beginning of February and although he is now in the 75 percentile for height, he has dropped down into the 25 percentile for weight. This was of concern both to me and his doctor. She suggested I try to feed him more breast milk and more solid foods. I am wondering how I am supposed to do either, since I already nurse him every couple hours during the day (I don't even put a bra on until Ben calls and needs to be picked up most days) and 2-4 times a night and he rejects most attempts to feed him solids to the point where I'm lucky if I get a couple teaspoons of food in him per day! Oh well, its just another one of those problems that I will frantically seek to solve and in the end, Finn will take care of it in his own way and on his own time.
Today is Finn's 7 month birthday and he can now roll tummy to back with ease and enjoyment. He can roll from back to tummy while in bed (which means he often likes to sleep on his tummy) but he won't do it on the floor yet. He will get up on his side and, as Ben observes, a breath of wind could knock him over, but he won't go the rest of the way yet. Perhaps the trauma of early tummy time still lingers in his subconscious. He sits up without help from us or his own hands for longer and longer stretches every day. I have taken to putting a pillow behind him when he's practicing sitting because he also finds it hilarious to pitch himself backwards every now and then. He says Ma-Ma and Mommy all the time. We keep trying to get him to say Da-Da but have not had any luck so far. He has developed an affinity for his parents faces and spends a great deal of time grabbing our glasses, pinching our cheeks and trying to bite our noses. He loves playing peek-a-boo in the bathroom mirror and with the sheets in our bed. Ben and I spend most of our time with him playing silly games and making exaggerated faces and he rewards us with his adorable laugh.
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